I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
