i don't like sucking hair
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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