I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
