Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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