Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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