I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
