Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
is wine microwaveable?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
