What tipped you off? The sombrero?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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