We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Did I show you my penis last night?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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