My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
