i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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