he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
