What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
