i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
