this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
