Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
