just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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