i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
