He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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