Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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