It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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