she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You are a genius and a whore.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
