In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
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I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
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So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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