How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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