its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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