I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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