I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
