You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I believe in your delicious
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
