lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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