is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
