Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
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It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
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I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?