You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think im going to throw up on grandma
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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