when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
