i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
