If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
