strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
