you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Randomize
