While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
