he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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