youre lurking in front of me
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
