And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
