My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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