i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
