If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
