You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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