i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
