He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
