When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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