"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
