I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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