oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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