wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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