Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
