Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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