dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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