There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize