mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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