I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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