I think I just saw someone hide a body.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Randomize
