I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
