I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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