Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
