that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
