There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
