If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
