Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
