some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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