I wanna passion pit in your ass
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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