I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
