Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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