Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
