Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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