just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
