I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
