Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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