Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
