i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize