i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
